After The Quest
by Ellixer
Summary: This is how I feel x/g progressed after the episode 'Quest'
1. Chapter 1

Title: After the Quest

Rating: T

Author: Ellixer

Pairing: X/G

Disclaimer: Characters and show are owned by Universal and others. The story is mine. I make nothing.

Note: I think that after the 'Quest' episode is probably when they became more than friends. Seems logical to me. This can be a one off or there can be more.

Things have calmed, the night is alive with noises but none that are out of place. The fire crackles in front of me as I try to form the words I want to say. Xena still sits on the log, sharpening her sword in long hard movements.

'Xena.' I begin but I still don't know what I'm going to say. 'Xena, I need to tell you…..everything.' Her arm stops its movement but it takes another moment before her eyes shift to me. Carefully she lays her sword down, walking over to where I sit.

"I told you, I know.' But how? How do I know exactly how much she knows? She crouches down, shifting hair away from my eyes.

'But I need to tell you.' She shakes her head slightly, dismissing the notion.

'Gabrielle..'

'No Xena.' I grab her arm, I don't want to hear anymore. I just know that if I don't speak the words, I'll never feel right. 'I _have_ to tell you.' There's something in her eyes, I don't think she really wants to hear it. Reluctantly though, she sits down next to me, eyes averted towards the fire. I let go of her arm, the courage in me beginning to die.

'Xena, you are everything to me. My best friend, my mentor. You've taught me so much about myself.' I pause, doing my best to push the next words out. 'I love you more than I have ever loved anything.' I feel better now that the words have left my lips. She can say anything, reject me with laughs, but I don't care.

She doesn't speak, I can see her jaw clench and unclench. Her eyes are focused on the fire as if willing something to come out of it. I turn away from her, giving up hope for a response. She breathes in deeply, letting the air back out in a rush.

'Gabrielle.' She turns to look at me, her features have softened. There's a struggle going on behind her eyes though. 'Don't you see I feel the same.' She looks pained, eyes narrowing at me. 'When you were getting married…' Her voice trails off. She looks down wringing her hands together. At that time I loved her, but I don't think I could ever have admitted it to her or myself. I mean, I can't live the life my parents wanted with a husband and children if I'm with Xena. But death changes you, whether you want it to or not, and hers definitely made me wake up.

'How could I ever have thought that I'd be good enough for you?' She looks at me in disbelief, as if what I'm saying is completely ludicrous.

'You're_ too_ good for me. I'm not good enough for you.' I put my hand over hers, stilling them. I can only manage to shake my head in disappointment. Neither of us seemed to have seen what was right in front of us.

'Xena. What do we do?' I feel stuck in this in between state.

'What do you want to do?' There's this hope twinkling in her eyes. I bring my hand to her cheek, thumb wiping away the one tear that seemed to have escape her defenses. Only one thing comes to mind. Slowly I lean forward, careful to give her ample time to back away. But Xena sits there rigid, barely breathing.

I bring my lips to hers in a tentative kiss. It's brief but there's no other way to express myself. I move back but my face is only inches from hers. I can't help but stare at her lips, the ones that kissed me not so long ago, even though she was in someone else's body. For a moment everything stops, I can only hear our breathing, loud in my ears. I'm about to move away when she suddenly grabs my face with her hands bringing her lips back upon mine.

This is not tentative or soft. Her tongue thrusts into my mouth, I feel like the air is being sucked out of me. I try to respond in a like manner but she overpowers any attempt. There is such ferocity as her tongue sweeps across mine. A fire is burning in my stomach and it's beginning to hurt. Our lips finally break, Xena resting her head against mine, eyes closed. We are both breathing raggedly, the expelled air intermingling, like we are breathing each other in. I know this is as far as we'll go for now. Xena would never force anything on me, things need to progress naturally. I'm happy with that, but mostly I'm happy that she feels the same as I do.

'Come on, let's get some sleep.' Her voice is a husky whisper. We lay down on the furs, me curled up against her. We're both holding on tightly, careful to make sure this feeling lasts as long as possible.

Cont?


	2. Chapter 2

We've been traveling and growing together, at least I thought so. Ulysses happens and I'm just a friend again. It hurts, and I don't think she even notices. But I will stand by her, no matter what because I guess I just love her more than she does me. Heh, I think I know how Joxer feels now.

Is that what she wants? A man to fight by her side like all those in the past? Live and love hard. I'm pretty sure I don't fit in that little storybook tale. I guess I was naive to think that she could really love me. Maybe she just feels sorry for all the things that have happened to me. Ahh pity love, nearly as bad as no love whatsoever. No wait, I think it may be worse.

She's standing at the rail looking out at the ocean. Her face more somber than usual, more sad. I would comfort her but I can't bring myself to do it right now. So what is there for me to do? Nothing I suppose. Just go on as usual, go back to what we had before she died.

I go down and lay in my hammock. The swaying not getting to me thanks to Xena's remedy. But I don't sleep, don't even close my eyes. The men drift in one by one as night comes on, leaving only two men up top. I can hear Xena in a corner sharpening her blade. Now is a good time to sneak past them all and have the deck to myself.

Sitting on a crate I look up at the night sky. It's so dark, all the stars are shrouded by clouds. Closing my eyes I let the ocean breeze wash over me. I accept my destiny, whatever it may be.

'Sea sick?' Her voice startles me out of my thoughts.

'No. Can't sleep.' I give her my best smile, but avoid her eyes as soon as possible. She sits down on the deck next to me. There's nothing I can possibly say right now though I can feel her eyes on me, like she's looking directly through me.

'I couldn't either.' She's quiet. I can feel this awkwardness growing between us, it's making me fidgety. My fingers begin to tap a random beat against the wood. Am I supposed to say something here? She sighs.

'Are you mad?'

'What do I have to be mad about?' I laugh and shake my head. I think she can sense the fakeness.

'Gabrielle don't lie to me.'

'What do you want me to say?' I stare down at my fingers, still tapping a beat.

'Say what you feel.' I refuse to look at her.

'Didn't work out so well last time.' She sighs at me. 'Xena I'm not mad. There's nothing to be mad about.'

'About Ulysses…'

'It's ok Xena.' I put my hand on her arm. 'I think I'll go try and sleep.' She grabs my arm before I can move.

'Gabrielle just listen…please.'

'Ok Xena but there's nothing wrong.' I shake my head dismissively. 'I told you I just want you happy.'

'I didn't stay with him.'

'He had a wife.'

'It wasn't just that.'

'Xena, don't try and tell me there was nothing there, you're only kidding yourself.' Standing up I give her a smile. 'I'm gonna go try sleep now.' There's some protest from her, but I don't listen. We are friends, that's all, nothing more.

Life is complicated. It's dirty, and gritty and full of torments that can haunt you forever. We said we loved each other, but it wasn't really true. I've vowed to myself not to let anything change. We're friends.


	3. Chapter 3

**Note:** I did my best to keep this in character, not sure I'm happy with it. Lemme know.

The water tickles my toes as it flows gently under my feet. We've been traveling so far, it feels good to rest my feet. Xena has a pole in the water, yelling every time she catches a fish. I lean back on my elbows and lift my face to the sun.

'Isn't it beautiful?'

'It's a good day for fishing.' She grunts as she struggles with a particularly large fish. I lay back, hands grasped behind my head, letting the sun wash over me. Sometimes it's good to stop and just be. Xena yells in triumph having won the battle against the fish. After a few minutes she flops down next to me.

'You smell like fish guts.' I wrinkle my nose at her. Bringing her hands up to her nose she sniffs. She gets back up and starts to scrub them in the water.

'There, all better.' She shoves her hands in my face as she sits back down.

'Xena!' I swat her hands away. She laughs leaning back against the grass. The bubbling water is the background to our silence. I'm comfortable this way, it's completely peaceful; something I get so little of.

'Can I ask you something?' She sounds a bit hesitant.

'Of course.' I roll to my side, propping my head in my hand. She doesn't look at me however. 'What is it?' I'm starting to get a little worried, something is bothering her.

'Remember when I said I love you?' I sigh, falling back to the grass.

'Yeah. A friend love, I know.' She growls under her breath.

'That's not what I said.'

'It's what you meant.'

'Don't tell me how I feel!' Her anger doesn't faze me. I laugh.

'Things have been good, lets just keep it that way.'

'I don't want to keep it that way.' This makes me sit up, finally looking at her.

'I don't think I care.' Pain shoots across her face. My resolve doesn't falter however. 'I'm your sidekick, I'm your friend. That's all.' My eyes narrow.

'You're more than that.' Her voice sounds sincere, but I don't care. I shoot up to my feet, beginning to pace as a millions thoughts come to my mind at once.

'Can we not play this game again?' Xena gets up, grabbing my arms in an attempt to still me. Her eyes search mine.

'It's not a game.' I laugh at her.

'What would you call it then?' Her head shakes in frustration as she lets go of my arms.

'Gabrielle I meant it.' She speaks through gritted teeth.

'I remember you seemed to love Ulysses too, and me not so much. Now I'm going to go cook the fish.'

'Would you stop and listen!' Her voice seems to roar. This day started out so nice too.

'What?' I sigh, throwing my hands up in defeat.

'I didn't really love him.' I begin to say something but she cuts me off. 'Don't! Just listen, that's all I'm asking.' I shrug, that's about all the response she's going to get from me.

'It's not like I planned that to happen.' She runs her hand roughly through her hair. 'I felt something but it wasn't love. I don't know what it was, but when he said we were soulmates… it didn't feel right.' She steps up to me, taking my hands in hers. 'I'm sorry.' I just look at her, not sure what to say or do. 'I just want a chance.' She's pleading; this is not the Xena I know.

'Stop.' I barely manage to whisper. Her hands grip mine harder.

'Please.' Why exactly did she have to say all this? We've been doing just fine as we were.

'Maybe I don't want this.' Apparently she hadn't thought I'd say this. She drops my hands, a tear falls down her cheek. I bet she never cried as much as she does with me. I do want it of course, but somehow I feel she deserves some pain. It's wrong I know.

'That's not true.' This sounds more like a question than a statement.

'Xena..' I throw my hands up. 'I don't want to be second best, I don't want to be disposable. I'll stick by your side but I don't know that you will stick by mine.' It's time for me to stop this conversation, and the fish will go bad any minute now. I leave her standing there, I don't intend to look back.

We've been quiet, sitting on separate sides of the fire. But she keeps looking at me, maybe hoping that I'll look back, I don't. At this point I wonder what damage has been done to our friendship. It feels a little like this might be an end. Not one we want, but at least it's an end.

'Look I'll head towards home in the morning.' I say this just to bother her. She doesn't respond for a few minutes.

'Why?'

'We can't go back and we can't go forward.' Her eyes narrow at me.

'So we just give up everything?' I shrug at her. I have no idea why I'm saying these things, it just seems like I'm supposed to. 'Stop acting like you don't care.'

'I do care, and that's the problem Xena.' She gets up rushing towards me.

'I can fix this.' She crouches down.

'Your chakram cant fix this.' I give her a small smile. I'm all about forgiveness and second chances aren't I? 'ok.' I sigh.

'Ok what?' Hope flares in her eyes and on her face.

'We can start over. Go back to being friends, and…..see what happens. Deal?' I offer my hand and Xena readily grabs it.

'Deal.'

'Good now I'm going to sleep, you can clean the frying pan.'


	4. Chapter 4

It feels as if we are best friends again, but still that is all we are. I'm unsure if I'm happy about this or not. Of course I want more, but I also don't want to be used. Part of me is still angry, but most of me knows that Xena is not a conventional person, has not lived the same life I have. We see things differently, and I suppose that's why we get along, and of course why we fight.

Xena also isn't one for sentimentality. She only says what she needs to, when she needs to. No flowery declarations of love will ever leave her lips, but I know when she says she loves me, she means it. I've put the whole Ulysses thing behind me. In the end she is still here with me, and that's what counts.

'I've got a surprise for you.' Xena looks at me with a huge smile. Xena surprises can be bad. I finish brushing Argo, following the excited woman through the town. We enter a tavern and I begin to think the surprise is some food that may or may not be edible. These places can be dodgy. Xena walks on past all the tables, heading towards the stairs. I'm beginning to get excited. I've been begging her to stay at an Inn at least once. The ground is no replacement for a real bed. She grabs my hand pulling me to the last door in the hallway. Winking at me, she opens the door letting me through first.

'Can I say yay.' I clap my hands together excitedly. The room is huge and surprisingly warm. Then I notice there is only one bed, my excitement begins to wane. Well maybe it's all they had left. Hmm.

'Best room.' Xena shrugs. I grin at her as I jump onto the bed landing on my back.

'Oh. My. God's.' So much better than the ground. Smells a little bit better too.

'Come on let's go get something to eat.' She nods her head towards the door. Reluctantly I leave my new definition of heaven that is the bed. 'Don't worry, it'll be here when you get back.' She smirks at me making her way towards the dining hall.

We sit at a communal table and receive a plate of food. I suppose it's whatever they have for the day, but I'm not sure exactly what it is. Xena however has no qualms and starts to shovel the food into her mouth as if she hasn't eaten in years. She stops mid shovel, when she notices I'm staring.

'What?' Food falls out of her mouth. Sometimes I'm not sure she's female.

'Nothing.' I look back down at my plate, using my fork to prod its contents around. Xena goes back to inhaling her food. Tentatively I take a bite, finding to my surprise that it's actually good, but I still have no idea what it is. As the night goes on the supply of Meade seems unending. We sit, as old friends do, talking about anything that comes to mind. I mostly make fun of the men that surround us. There never seems to be a clean person in these places.

At some point we make our way upstairs, the revelry still in full swing below us. I don't even want to take my clothes off, I just want to lay back on the bed. So I do. I can hear Xena chuckle at me from across the room. She is removing her various bits of armor and weapons. Propping up on my elbows I watch.

It's not meant to be, but it looks completely sensual. She removes each piece in a slow, delicate fashion. I know she is only inspecting every piece for wear, but….. God's it's taking my breath away. My heart is beating slightly faster, my breathing becoming shallow.

I know Xena can notice the change in me without looking up. Her hands pause a moment on her breastplate, then continue as if she hasn't noticed a thing. I know she has. Pushing myself up into a sitting position, I continue to watch her every movement. Don't ask me why I'm so captivated by this, I've seen her do it a million times. For some reason though, I'm looking at her as I would a lover. Maybe I've had too much Meade.

Xena is beginning to tease me. Her fingers are moving with more intention then just to remove her clothes. They linger and grace each place something is removed. My mouth is starting to go dry. Maybe this was not the only room left, maybe she did this on purpose. Hmmmm. I'm not sure I care. Slowly I make my way to the edge of the bed. I want to go over and touch her, but I don't know what I should be doing. I'm not that experienced in this kind of thing.

The butterflies explode in my stomach. I'm a little afraid of her intentions and not knowing how to respond to them. All she has left on is her boots and a chemise. She is still very much covered but my eyes are beginning to wander over the curves she's exposed. Xena turns to fully face me. My breath catches as her eyes gleam at me. The look she wears is one of lust and passion. I think I know where she's going with this.

In a few steps she's standing inches from me. I stand, not sure what to say or do as her fingers graze my cheek. This is too intense. Her eyes look down at me; she's asking for permission without having to speak. My nod is barely noticeable and she hesitates another moment, her fingers trailing down my neck. I'm not breathing.

Grabbing my shoulders, she makes me turn slowly so my back is to her. I think I might pass out, I have no idea what's about to happen. Her hands move to my hips and she pulls me against her. The warmth she radiates is intoxicating. Wet lips touch my neck, a hand travels across my abdomen, I begin to shiver. My eyes close of their own accord, I can't control anything I do from this point on.

Both of her hands move up my stomach, stopping just below my breasts, which unfortunately are still covered. In seconds though the lace is undone, my top falling open. Her hands feel cold against my skin, goose bumps shoot across my body as they move. Slowly she engulfs each breast with a hand. The air leaves my lungs for a moment, then rushes back in gasps. This is already so different from anything I know. I was never aware that a touch could feel this good. I'm melting in her hands.

Her lips play with the skin on my neck. Right about now is when I'm glad she is more experienced than I am. Does it always feel like this, or is it just a one time thing? I'm trying to stop thinking, I just want to feel. Her fingers play with my nipples causing little bolts of energy to shoot through my body and I can't help squirming in her hands. I reach back, my fingers clasping in her hair. Desperately I want her lips on mine.

She complies without hesitation. Her lips engulf mine, tongue sweeping across my mouth. I let a groan out that I've been trying to hold. The feeling of her hand traveling down my stomach and under the hem of my skirt is the only thing that manages to break me from her kiss. I look down in anticipation of what she's going to do next.

Shock courses through my veins when her fingers reach all the way down. My body is moving against her hand without me even realizing. She's hesitant and careful, afraid of hurting me somehow. I can feel her fingers move inside me, a slow rhythm established. My eyes squeeze shut and I'm left gasping.

Her pace speeds up, she can tell I'm so very close. The noises I begin to emit only seems to encourage her. The pace comes harder and faster, and I know I'm about to die. I can feel this explosion coursing its way through my body. I think I yell. My body spasms against her, my eyes squeezed closed. It takes a few minutes for all of it to subside, and we are still standing with our bodies pressed together. I want to make her feel the same way I do.


	5. Chapter 5

Note: Tsifteteli = Greek Belly dance. Youtube that shiz.

So apparently we are something more than friends, a label I can't define. Lovers? Xena would never say that, no matter how many times she may say 'I love you,' we have no label in her mind. We're best friends in every way possible. That I am fine with. We are always friends, first and foremost. Without that we are nothing.

'Let's break here.' Xena stops Argo and jumps down. Currently a break has nothing to do with rest. Quite the opposite in fact. She is opening my eyes to a world I don't think I would have ever known. Lust, passion, raw emotion driven love. I've found there is no one level of love. There's the love for your family, for your friends, and for your first love. I used to think that's all there was, but what I feel is even beyond all that. She likes it rough, I like it soft. You would think us incompatible but its far from the truth. Every encounter is different from the last.

I stand here, watching her lay down a bedroll. Her whole body manner changes. There's that confidence she always exudes, but there's something else. Her eyes look as if they become darker, her face no longer stoic but something softer. She never asks at these moments, and at first I was always a little surprised but I've come to recognize the difference between want and need. Sometimes she just wants.

She drops her breast plate but nothing else. We are at a standoff, neither wanting to make the first move. I know she'll break, she always does. She'll tell me exactly what she wants, I'm more than willing to comply.

'Dance for me.' Her voice is low and lusty. I cock my eyebrow at her. She says nothing else. Well I guess this is something I can do. I hesitate a little. I'm not sure what to do, I've never danced for someone before. Xena crosses her arms in front of her, just waiting. Hmmm, ok. The only thing I can think of is a Tsifteteli.

My arms go up, my hip juts out. I make sure to look at her as my arms begin to move in slow flowing waves. My hips gyrate to the imaginary music, fingers entice and beckon towards the woman in front of me. Her arms have dropped, posture stiffened as if ready to pounce. My body moves in a slow circle, hips never stop their movement. I turn all the way and Xena is standing inches from me. I tease her, circling around her body, my fingers dance across her skin.

Her arm flies out, grasping me by my wrist. She pulls me against her roughly, capturing my lips with ferocity. My body goes slack for a moment, but soon responds without any thought. I feel as if we're in competition for control. A battle rages between us; I pull at the straps of her bodice, her fingers wrap in my hair pulling my head back. Her tongue trails down my throat. I'm already out of breath and we haven't even done anything.

She shoves me down, then stands there looking down at me. The anticipation is killing me. I don't know what she's going to do next but I know it will be intense. My mouth is going dry, my body is heating up, I just want her now.

The movement is quick, it takes seconds for her to remove my skirt, head buries in between my legs causing me to scream in surprise. My hands clench at the blanket below me, my body arching up. Her tongue plays around, never staying in the same place long. It doesn't last long however and soon her fingers are shoved in me, pumping a hard fast rhythm. Her lips make their way up my body, stopping at my breast, tongue flicking across my nipple.

It doesn't take long for me to fall over the ledge I've been teetering on, but she refuses to stop the relentless attack on my body. Her fingers just seem to work in a more determined manner. My body becomes taught, words have forsaken me and I'm left with guttural noises. I'm not sure how long this goes on before she finally stills. Her body collapses against mine, breathing heavily against my neck. I begin to relax again, my head is swimming. We stay like this for a time, not moving or speaking. I know we have to move on but I'd rather just stay like this. If I'm lucky though, I will not be getting to sleep early tonight.


	6. Chapter 6

An evolution has occurred between us; friends to lovers, to enemies and back again. I never realized the true burden of past mistakes until I had my own weighing down on me. My respect for Xena has grown because of this. Her demons run long and deep but they do not overcome her. Mine continually break me down, but I don't have the same practice with guilt as she does.

'Xena, why do you think Solan would do that?' It has been weeks or months since our time in Illusia, but I have never asked her this one question. She looks at me confused, stopping Argo in her tracks for a moment. She plays with the reins, twisting it in her hands.

'What are talking about?' She knows, I can see it in her face; the subtle ripples of pain and guilt.

'Why did he want us to forgive each other?' There's a sigh as she starts walking again, looking down at the ground.

'I don't really know.' Her voice is low and gravely. 'He wanted me to be happy, and the only way that would happen is if we forgave each, got rid of the anger and hatred.' I nod slightly, this makes sense I suppose. He gave us a second chance, or was it the third or fourth. For some reason we've been given the gift of endless second chances. 'He did something for me that I couldn't do for him.' I can see a single tear fall down her cheek. I want to reach out and touch her face, but I wait, not yet.

'What was that?' I ask tentatively.

'Happiness, love…..' She trails off. It's obvious she still harbors the guilt of never being the mother he needed. We continue on in silence, a slow stroll to wherever we are headed. After Illusia we forgave each other but it took time to connect the way we used to. The tender moments we used to share were slow to return, there was some awkwardness and uncertainty. We forgave each other but did that mean we could just start back where we left off? Obviously the answer is no.

I'm not sure what to say, or if there is even anything to say. I do know that I love her, and I would do anything for her. I just wonder when we can bridge that gap again. I start rambling on about trees and a forest and if no one is there, does a falling tree make a noise? I just want to change the subject, I don't want to feel the tension between us strain.

Xena is smiling again, giving me this look that's says I'm crazy. I know she's listening when she gives me this look; otherwise it's a blank stare and a few yes's or no's.

'If I don't think about these things, who will?' She shakes her head at me.

'Well, as long as I don't have to.' She clicks her tongue at Argo who has stopped to eat some grass. The horse has decided it is lunch time and will not be budged. 'I guess we break here.' She wraps the reins on a branch as we walk to the stream to our right. I take my boots off, standing in the shallow running water. Xena is sitting on a log eating some bread and cheese.

'Xena. Do you think we'll ever be like we were?' I turn to look at her.

'No.' Hmmm not the answer I was hoping for. I frown a little looking down at my feet. She stops eating and looks at me thoughtfully. 'I think there is no way to go back, but we can go forward and it can be better.' There's a small smile of hope on her face. I walk back and forth, watching as tiny fish swim past me. As I near the shore line again Xena reaches out and grabs my arm pulling me against her; fingers tucking hair behind my ear. Her eyes are searing into mine as she leans down, our lips softly meeting. It's a tender and sweet kiss, also short lived. She pulls her head away again, and I'm disappointed. She cups my face in her hands

'We can be anything you want.' Her face is soft, a smile gently parting her lips.

'I just want to be with you.' It's simple for me. She leans down again, her kiss this time more intense. We stand there, wrapped in each other's embrace, the kiss lasting seemingly for years. When we finally pull away, both of us are left gasping.

'We better get going.' She hesitates then turns back towards the trail. I grab my boots and begin putting them back on. I feel better now. There's hope for us, the love will grow even greater and we will be inseparable. I can only pray that nothing comes between us again; no more wounds that can't be healed. I jog after Xena and we begin walking again.

'So about that tree…'

The End


End file.
